The Amazing Linden-Man

"Here's the thing on men, I'm gonna give it to you now. All men think of themselves as kind of low-level super-heroes... in their own environment. When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spider-Man, Superman, these aren't fantasies. These are options. This is the way men really look at their own lives. I'm not even supposed to be telling you this." -- Jerry Seinfeld, "I'm Telling You Again for the Last Time".

Jerry got it right. In his cynical and yet piercingly perceptive way, Jerry Seinfeld nailed what it is about superheroes that makes them so compelling for men. When we're just boys, we look at a character like Spider-Man and say to ourselves, "I can be just like him!".

The thing is, boys grow up. Well, at least of some of us do, but what I mean to say is this -- eventually we get to that point in our life where we come to realize we're not going to be superheroes. We come to see those fantasies for what they are.

There also comes a similar point for most of us -- and it's a very sad point, I'd like to add -- where we come to understand that we'll probably never become the sports heroes we thought we might be, either. When I hit 30 years of age I realized that I'd probably never play centre for the Canucks, throw a football for the B.C. Lions, or hit the winning home run in the World Series. All those things I imagined myself doing when I was in Grade 6, now forever out of reach.

So where does Trevor Linden fit into the picture? Let me explain.

Of all the Canucks I've admired, I feel like Linden has been the only one who I'd consider calling a Canuck "superhero". Not at all because of his hockey skills -- I mean, would you pick Trevor instead of any of these guys?

• Pavel Bure for speed.
• Markus Naslund and Geoff Courtnall for their wrist shots.
• Sami Salo for his slap shot.
• Ability to play off the body down low? Todd Bertuzzi.
• Playmaking ability? Cliff Ronning and Henrik Sedin.
• Goaltending? Duh.

If you're honest, you'll have to acknowledge that Trevor's been outdone not only in these areas, but in many hockey skill areas by different players who have worn the stick-in-rink, double-vee, downhill skate or whale on their chests.

So why the superhero status?

Well, Linden's made his career by being a "gamer". Even in his junior days, he made his mark by his effort and will on the ice more than through his raw talent. As a Canuck, he's probably most remembered for how he pushed himself through injury and exhaustion to lead the Canucks to the brink of winning the NHL's ultimate prize in the spring of 1994. In the last years of his career, we came to know him as Mr. Clutch -- the guy who you'd put on to score in the shootout, to protect the lead in the last few seconds of the third period, to score a goal to keep the team's playoff hopes alive. In short, it's been his will to compete and his character on the ice that have impressed. He's been heroic.

Even more impressive to me has been work in the community. Canuck Place, B.C. Children’s Hospital, Ronald McDonald House, Canucks for Kids -- these are just some of the causes towards which Linden has donated his time, energy, money and heart. Trevor has set the bar of community involvement for professional athletes very high -- super-high, in fact.

You could say Trevor Linden has been a superhero.

And here is the point of this article: Trevor Linden excelled as a Canuck in ways that I can honestly see myself excelling, in ways that I want to see myself excelling -- in life, not just in sport. I'll never skate like Bure, but I can give to my community. I'll never shoot a puck like Nazzy, but I can serve the underprivileged. I'll never score an overtime goal in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals (sigh), but I can pour out my life for my team -- my family. And though I'll never have Linden's platform from which to demonstrate my dedication to leading or serving others, I can still make an impact where I am. You can too.

So, just like Jerry Seinfeld said, we can look at a guy like Trevor Linden and imagine that living his life isn't a fantasy -- it's an option.

You're not Peter Parker.

You're the Amazing Linden-Man.

Do the Canucks need more swedes?

Mats Sundin?

As a kid first learning about the NHL, it never occurred to me that there could be players in the league from other parts of the world. At that time, a "foreign player" would have been one of those Canadians with a fancy French name like Jocelyn Guevremont, Andre Boudrias, Rosaire Paiement or even Bobby Lalonde.

Watching and listening to more hockey, I soon found out that there were some highly skilled players from places like the Soviet Union and other places in Europe, and some of them were even in the NHL. Hockey Night in Canada had me convinced that Sweden, especially, was one of those countries where the players were so talented all your team needed was one Swede and you'd be winning the Stanley Cup in no time. Börje Salming and Inge Hammarström were proof of that, weren't they?

When the Canucks started to sign Swedish players like Thomas Gradin, Patrik Sundstrom and Lars Lindgren, I became certain that meant we'd be seeing the Cup in Vancouver soon. It didn't matter who you were as long as you were Swedish -- Lars Molin was going to do it for us!

I'm a bit less certain these days that Swedes are the answer. Oh, I'm glad that Markus Naslund played as well for the Canucks as he did, I think the Sedins will be remembered as two of the best Canuck talents of all time and I also believe that Alex Edler will have a very good career as a defenseman, but I just don't think that adding more Swedes is the answer.

Adding more swedes, though -- how about that?

A few years ago, I overheard some English relatives of mine talking about swedes as if they were food. I knew they weren't cannibals, so I had to find out what they meant. It turns out that swede is the name that folks in the U.K. use to refer to rutabagas. You know, those big whitish turnip-type root vegetables that give children food nightmares. Looking on Wikipedia reveals that:

1. In the U.K., before pumpkins were commonly available, swedes used to be carved out for jack o'lanterns.
2. In continental Europe during World War I, swedes gained a reputation as the food you'd eat only if you had nothing else left to eat.
3. A curling championship is held annually in the U.S. where swedes are used as curling rocks.
4. In the Scots language, swedes are called "neeps". I love that word!
5. Ingesting too many swedes can lower your thyroid activity, which can make you lethargic and depressed.

So then! Now that you are a bit more educated about swedes, let me ask you this: how much do you really want to see Mats Sundin in a Canucks uniform?

The Ryan Smyth Song

One of the places I spend a lot of time is on the Canucks Forum hosted at sportsnet.ca. There's already enough impassioned expression there, so what I enjoy adding are posts that will hopefully make people chuckle a bit. One of the ways I have done that is by posting hockey-themed parody lyrics of popular songs.

Here's some lyrics I wrote around the trade deadline in February 2007, when Edmonton's Ryan Smyth was traded to the New York Islanders and subsequently gave an emotional news conference. The trade coincided with the date of Mark Messier's jersey retirement in Edmonton where Messier skated around the rink holding the Stanley Cup, much to the chagrin of many hockey fans. The chagrin was amplified in sportsnet.ca's quarters, as one of Sportsnet's pro-Oiler bloggers nicknamed "Big Dude" had recently railed against the practice of players showing off the Cup when they were not the current NHL champions.

Of course, the Oilers had suffered losing in the Cup finals the year before and also suffered losing Chris Pronger to his demanded trade in the summer of '06.

Enjoy.


The Ryan Smyth Song
(to the tune of American Pie)

A long, long time ago...I can still remember
How Ninety-Four used to make me smile.
And I knew if they had their chance
The Oil could make those people dance
And, maybe they’d be happy for a while.

But February made me shiver
With every paper I’d deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldn’t take one more step.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about the trade deadline,
But something touched me deep inside
The day The Mullet died.

So bye-bye, to this year's playoff drive.
Don't have Pronger any longer,
Or that Mike Peca guy.
Now them roughneck boys are drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "Did you see that Ryan Smyth cry?
"Did you see that Ryan Smyth cry?"

Did you think we'd go all the way,
After watching Rollie play,
In the playoffs of last year?
Did you believe in Marc-Andre,
Was Pisani worth that extra pay,
And were the Oilers this year's team to fear?

Well, I know you love that long hairstyle
You've had that 'do for quite a while,
He made those goalies fret
By banging and crashing the net.

I was a lonely teenage broncin’ buck
With a red, red neck and a pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day The Mullet died.

I started singin’,
"Bye-bye" to this year's playoff drive.
Don't have Pronger any longer,
Or that Mike Peca guy.
Now us roughneck boys are drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "Did you see that Ryan Smyth cry?
"Did you see that Ryan Smyth cry?"

For seventeen years we’ve had no Cup
And very, very, very little drafting luck
But that’s not how it used to be.
Then Messier came to have his number hung
In an old-time jersey with his praises sung
In a voice that came from you and me,

Oh, and while Big Dude was looking down,
The Cup was lifted and skated 'round,
Other fans were amused to see
Such blatant hypocrisy.

And while the Moose was shedding tears,
GM Lowe was avoiding jeers
By cowering underneath the arena tiers,
The day The Mullet died.

We were singing,
"Bye-bye", to this year's playoff drive.
Don't have Pronger any longer,
Or that Mike Peca guy.
Now us roughneck boys are drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "Did you see that Ryan Smyth cry?
"Did you see that Ryan Smyth cry?"

I thought we'd get a D-man from the Blues
For some happy deadline news,
But that chance just upped and went away.
I went down to the Rexall rink
Where I hoped to see a team that didn't stink
But a fan there said Smytty wouldn't play.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
MacT's boys were broken.
Now's there's guys I want to roast:
The owners, the coach, but KLowe most;
Now the Cup's headed for the coast (!)
Now The Mullet's died.

And they were singing,
"Bye-bye", to this year's playoff drive.
Don't have Pronger any longer,
Or that Mike Peca guy.
Now them roughneck boys are drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "Did you see that Ryan Smyth cry?
"Did you see that Ryan Smyth cry?"

They were singing,
"Bye-bye", to this year's playoff drive.
Don't have Pronger any longer,
Or that Mike Peca guy.
Now them roughneck boys are drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "Did you see that Ryan Smyth cry?"

Who am I, what is this, and why is this?

I'm a big-time fan of the Vancouver Canucks.

Really.

Don't be sorry for me, though.

Over the years, I've seen them at their best, at their worst, and everywhere in between. I've been elated when they've won and depressed when they've lost. I've been excited at their potential and frustrated at their mediocrity.

As I've grown older, I've come to realize I'm not as fanatical as I used to be. Don't get me wrong - I'm still a big fan, and from time to time I still get overly worked up about how they do, but life doesn't begin and end with each game. I've also come to realize, however, that there are a lot of other fans out there who are more fanatical than I ever was. You can find those fans all over the web.

Here, I'm going to try to build something different. A blog for Canucks fans who are ardent, but just more moderate. Where humour, objectivity and patience will hopefully rule, and hair-pulling, ranting and raving will hopefully be kept to a minimum.

Let's see how long this lasts!