Batteries -- finally!

Remember all those toy commercials on TV when you were a kid? I don't exactly, but what I remember they all seemed to have in common was a hyper announcer at the end talking about how all those cool toys were actually sold separately, and that the batteries weren't included.

Where was the fun in that?! If I was gonna own something to play with, I wanted all the pieces, and I definitely wanted the batteries.

It's like that toy car set I had -- Hot Wheels "Sizzlers", oh yeah. They were like regular Hot Wheels, except they had a little socket on the side that allowed you to plug in a wire (that looked like a gas hose) from a large power supply (that looked like a gas pump). You pressed the top of the "pump" for a while, and the little car charged up... you'd then put it on the Hot Wheels track and it'd race around by itself for a while until the juice ran out.

The only problem was that once the batteries in the "Juice Machine" died, the cars didn't run anymore. The cars didn't even roll like regular Hot Wheels, since they had these little motors in them. And the thing took like 6 D cells to work, so you can imagine how often my Dad wanted to replenish the batteries!

(Now, lest you think my Dad was some meanie who wouldn't let his little nipper have any fun, I would remind you that:

1. I did get the batteries in the first place. Yay, Dad!
2. I wouldn't be happy buying bulk packs of D cells for my kids' toys either!)

So, does "Batteries not Included" remind you at all of Mats Sundin's delay in playing for the Canucks?

Sundin is like the toy that you really, really wanted for Christmas. All the fan and media noise about whether he was coming to Vancouver, and the answering equivocation from Sundin himself, was like all those times as a kid when you'd ask your parents, "Can I have (toy of the month)?" and they'd only reply, "We'll see." Argh, the uncertainty!

When Mats announced his signing with the Canucks, though, that was opening your present on Christmas Day and seeing you'd gotten exactly what you'd been bugging Mom and Dad for, for weeks and weeks. The shiny new toy! Yes!

The delay since the signing, though, has been like what followed after reading "6 D cell batteries required" on the toy box. Six D cell batteries? Who has that many of them just lying around the house? "Sorry, son, we don't have that many batteries." The wait would then follow where daily you'd take the toy out of the box, look at it, maybe read the instructions (again), and wonder if today would be the day when Dad would be carrying three twin packs of D cells with him when he got home. Waiting for the Canucks and Sundin these last few weeks has been like having the toy but not being able to play with it.

However: tomorrow night, hopefully, is the night when Dad brings home the batteries and we finally get to see what the toy can really do.

Which toy will Mats be most like? The toy that worked great and was so fun for two days, and then broke, never to work again? Will it be the toy that looked so cool in the ads, but just like those comic book "Sea Monkeys", in real life didn't bear any resemblance to the pictures? Maybe the X-ray glasses, that didn't really work, but just messed up your eyes?

Or maybe, just maybe, Mats Sundin will be like the toy that you remember from your childhood, the one that seems only to get shinier, faster, bigger, cooler and more exciting every time you remember it and with every year that passes by. You know, the one that included the realistic Stanley Cup trophy in the box.

Only one way to tell.

Time to put in the batteries.

Mats Johan Sundin

Well, well, well! Mats Sundin has chosen, and -- he has chosen wisely. What a nice present the Canucks have found themselves with this Christmas! Hopefully, the batteries will be included, and Mats Sundin will turn out to be the impact player that many Vancouver fans are hoping for.

In honour of his signing, and in fact the whole "Sundin saga", I offer up the following song, in the spirit of the season! Enjoy!


Mats Johan Sundin
(to the tune of Frosty the Snowman)

Mats Johan Sundin,
Or just "Mats" as he was called;
He stood six-foot-five,
And weighed two-three-oh,
Had a head that you'd call "bald."

Mats Johan Sundin,
Was a fairy tale they say.
Would he just retire?
Had he lost his fire,
Or would he come back to play?

There must have been some magic
In that offer Gillis made,
'Cause J.P. Barry's eyes bugged out
When he saw what Mike would pay!

Ten million dollars --
That's some motivation now!
How could he turn down
Coming to this town
For some fun and a cash cow?

Mats Johan Sundin
Had to learn about this team.
What a travel sked!
Could he wait instead?
So he came up with this scheme:

Down to Los Angeles
Then to Sweden back he'd go,
Saying, "I need to think,
"But I'm at the rink!"
While he dreamt of all that dough.

He led them 'round, and 'round (and 'round!)
While fans said "Waiting sucks!"
Then he said, "My first choice always was
"The Vancouver Canucks!"

Mats Johan Sundin,
Won't you hurry? Come and play!
Just as you had planned,
Come to Lotus Land!
Bring the Stanley Cup our way!

Thumpety thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Look at Sundin go,

Thumpety thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Playing with Luongo!

Desperately Seeking Mats

There's been yet another resurgence of interest in Mats Sundin in Lotusland recently, as rumours and reports around the web have breathlessly described his undergoing a physical in Toronto, being in attendance at a Canucks game in Buffalo, starting training in LA, and showing up at a Canucks game with the Kings.

I don't know if he'll sign with Vancouver, I don't even know if he will play this season at all. I do know, though, that somewhere, someone is pining for Mats to join the Canucks. This song is for them.

Sundin
(to the tune of Something)

Sundin and the way he moves
Attracts me like no other forward
Something in the way he woos me
I don't want to leave him now,
You know I believe and how.

Somewhere in his smile he knows
That we have tons and tons of cap space
Something in his quotes that shows me.
I don't want to leave him now,
You know I believe and how.

You're asking me will my love grow,
I don't know, I don't know.
Hey, Gillis, sign him, he will show,
I don't know, I don't know.

Sundin is the answer, and he knows
And all we have to do is wait for him
Sundin is "the one", he'll show me
I don't want to leave him now,
You know I believe and how.

Do the Canucks need more swedes?

Mats Sundin?

As a kid first learning about the NHL, it never occurred to me that there could be players in the league from other parts of the world. At that time, a "foreign player" would have been one of those Canadians with a fancy French name like Jocelyn Guevremont, Andre Boudrias, Rosaire Paiement or even Bobby Lalonde.

Watching and listening to more hockey, I soon found out that there were some highly skilled players from places like the Soviet Union and other places in Europe, and some of them were even in the NHL. Hockey Night in Canada had me convinced that Sweden, especially, was one of those countries where the players were so talented all your team needed was one Swede and you'd be winning the Stanley Cup in no time. Börje Salming and Inge Hammarström were proof of that, weren't they?

When the Canucks started to sign Swedish players like Thomas Gradin, Patrik Sundstrom and Lars Lindgren, I became certain that meant we'd be seeing the Cup in Vancouver soon. It didn't matter who you were as long as you were Swedish -- Lars Molin was going to do it for us!

I'm a bit less certain these days that Swedes are the answer. Oh, I'm glad that Markus Naslund played as well for the Canucks as he did, I think the Sedins will be remembered as two of the best Canuck talents of all time and I also believe that Alex Edler will have a very good career as a defenseman, but I just don't think that adding more Swedes is the answer.

Adding more swedes, though -- how about that?

A few years ago, I overheard some English relatives of mine talking about swedes as if they were food. I knew they weren't cannibals, so I had to find out what they meant. It turns out that swede is the name that folks in the U.K. use to refer to rutabagas. You know, those big whitish turnip-type root vegetables that give children food nightmares. Looking on Wikipedia reveals that:

1. In the U.K., before pumpkins were commonly available, swedes used to be carved out for jack o'lanterns.
2. In continental Europe during World War I, swedes gained a reputation as the food you'd eat only if you had nothing else left to eat.
3. A curling championship is held annually in the U.S. where swedes are used as curling rocks.
4. In the Scots language, swedes are called "neeps". I love that word!
5. Ingesting too many swedes can lower your thyroid activity, which can make you lethargic and depressed.

So then! Now that you are a bit more educated about swedes, let me ask you this: how much do you really want to see Mats Sundin in a Canucks uniform?